By Dina Halaseh, Educational Psychologist
Every year around the holiday season, I stop to wonder what gifts to buy and how to prepare the perfect feast. I’m sure many of you do the same, but I also wonder about the other things I could gift my family and friends, and which may last a lifetime.
Family life and values
Experiences, ideas, thoughts and concepts are on top of my holiday gift list. For this year, I am focusing on family life and values.
Many of us wander through life without really stopping to think about the things that matter, or the ideas we are instilling in our child’s brain, what concepts hold more value to us and what we are conveying to our child.
It’s not easy to think of parenting in this way since we usually focus on putting out the daily fires and ensuring that all the little things are done on a regular basis. But realising that there is more to our daily actions and thoughts than just getting by, is important.
Family values are the guidelines set by a family to help guide it into what it believes is right and what is wrong. These help us all stay consistent in our decisions, especially when faced with a new situation we are unsure of.
Family guidance
Having a set of values that you, as a family, believe in and which are firmly ingrained in your child’s brain, is a way to ensure that no matter what, these values will provide guidance for your child.
These values shouldn’t be super complicated, a simple “in this family we don’t lie” could be a value that is passed on and which guides the actions of all family members.
Understanding your values as parents will help set clear guidelines for your child from the early years onwards and even when your child becomes a parent.
Reaping the benefits…but
Your child will benefit from the structure of values, since this provides a sense of safety and predictability. The developing brain needs structure and routine to feel safe and secure. This is vital to ensuring proper brain development.
We do see many parents speaking about certain values to their children such as “we do not lie in this family”, yet in parallel lying as parents, or asking their children to lie for them. So, for this value to work and take root in your child’s brain, it has to apply to all family members, especially the parents.
Here are some ideas on how to instill these values and where to start with your child:
Brainstorming, searching and discussing all the different things that you value as parents, all the beliefs, ideas, concepts and anything you wish to pass on to your child. Then decide on how best to go about it
Weekly family meetings and some alone time with the kids is one of the ways you can do this
Learning from daily situations and challenges is effective. We can explain to our child our values and why we either agree or disagree with a certain situation
Movies, stories, books and media are other means to discuss these values and pass them along.
Seek to find time and the appropriate environment where you could pass on your most important values to your child; you will definitely find many opportunities to do so.
You can contact Dina Halaseh at [email protected]
